Subscriber Login



Forgot Your Username?
Forgot Your Password?
Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney


Write to Andy Rooney at Tribune Media Services,2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .


Maintaining cars and bodies
By Andy Rooney

MY CAR and my body are in about the same shape. Both have quite a few miles on them but they’re running well and I haven’t had any serious trouble with either. All that’s needed is some preventive maintenance.
I don’t know which is harder — taking my body to the doctor or my car to the garage. Both worry me. I’m always afraid they’ll find something I didn’t know about. The only advantage to taking my body to the doctor over taking my car to the garage is that the doctor never asks me to leave it overnight.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011 1:25 PM
 
Who says autumn? It's almost fall
By Andy Rooney

SUMMER DIES hard.
We try to keep it alive for just a little longer. Even though we’re back at work and back at school, we try to hang on to a little of summer.
We keep doing a few of the things we did on vacation, just as though it wasn’t really over. We do summer things on weekends.
We continue swimming, playing outdoor games, wearing summer clothes.
We wash the car and water the lawn, but it isn’t the same.
The end is in sight.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011 1:52 PM | Updated ( Tuesday, September 06, 2011 1:56 PM )
 
We need a universal language
By Andy Rooney

SOMETIMES IT’S hard to decide what to think and write about. What I do is turn to the first thing that occurs to me.
For instance, I might be able to make something out of the difference between the words “some time” and “sometime” and even “sometimes.” I’m not sure, but I think the word “sometimes” would come closer to being slang than regular usage. American grammar and word usage puzzles me “sometimes,” and I can imagine if I was born in China or Japan, where there are so many more characters in their languages, how difficult that would be to master.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011 11:02 AM
 
My summer vacation on the lake
By Andy Rooney

I SOMETIMES think vacations are harder to take than going to work. When you go to work, you know what you have to do, but you go on vacation to have fun and take a break from your everyday life. Good times are more apt to come unexpectedly rather than by design.
I explain this to you because I’ve just come back from my annual vacation in upstate New York. I felt a little guilty going away this year because our country is in such a sorry state. Then, I thought, it will be good for the local economy to spend money enjoying myself.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 12:58 PM | Updated ( Tuesday, August 23, 2011 1:34 PM )
 
Traveling? Include me out
By Andy Rooney

I LOVE to look at the travel section of the Sunday newspaper because all the ads for faraway places remind me of how much I like to stay home. There are so many places in the world I don’t want to go that I can hardly wait for the day when I retire so I can sit home and enjoy the money I’ve saved.
Just for fun, I made a list of places I don’t want to go:
A Caribbean or a South Pacific island where beautiful women lie around on white beaches in

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 1:37 PM
 
«StartPrev123456789NextEnd»

Page 3 of 9